Priorities...

Okay so what should you do when the decision you took keeping in mind someone's happiness and then realize they are not and will not do the same for you? Turn back the decision? Go down the same road? Or just stay there doing nothing and drown yourself in the pit of shame, disappointment and hurt?

Contemplation...

So I thought I was doing the right thing. Atleast I had the satisfaction of taking my own decisions and shape things as I want. But then why the disappointment? Why the regret and why the fear of losing something beautiful that has happened to me. Who was real me now I wasn't sure. The strong confident person who was back then was that just a illusion or the sad, skeptic and uncertain person inside me right now is the victim of the situation? Questions!! My mind was twirling around the same fear over and over again. Was it telling me to overcome my fears? If it was then why is it so that I am still not able to figure somethings out. People say that deciding something for yourself is easy because you know yourself the best. Then why am I different these days. I used to be a girl who knew what she wanted. I used to be a girl with a stong will. I used to love myself for whatever I did. I used to be just ME! Disappearance of your real self is the most embarrasing thing. And the most shamefull moment is when you look in that small mirror somewhere and suddenly realize that this isn't the same person I was in love with. What to do and how to do it is the "question" we all have been dealing with. The same question pesters me day in and day out. How?? When?? What??!!!

Confused!!

Okay so the choices we make in life are all suppose to make us feel independent and confident. If you make a choice to go out on a little drive on your own and meet with an accident you still don't blame anybody else. But then why is it so that the most crucial choices of your life, which are suppose to make you feel a lot more alive, make you feel a lot more dead inside. With all the hope, fear, anxiety I had taken a jump into this whole wide world of fire. I knew I was up for it. So did my dear ones. But then why is it so that a small terrified girl in me is telling me to take a different route altogether. If I listen to her, the strong, confident independent girl in me is going to get a major ego setback. And if I don't she is never going to trust me again. Ah the dilemma and the pressure. Both building stronger by the day!

Understanding myself!

The more we try to understand our feelings and emotions the more we get to learn new things our-self. We need to be very honest with our feelings. There is no great advice given by a friend, parent, guide, godmother anyone rather than your own heart. Honestly, I miss those days when I use to be on my own for my emotional needs. That was the time when I was all sorted out in my head. Since the time I am back with so called my people, it has increased the amount I get angry, sad, tensed, frustrated and a lot more for which I don't even have words. What is this? Why does this happen? If you love someone then living with them and living with their personalities should be so damn easy. Then why does it have to be so hard to manage these people who claim to be your best. Okay, so about friends. Those who are closer to you suddenly seem so far and those who just came along a few days back seem to be very much close. Does this happen to everyone or its just something that I am doing wrong here. I want to have someone with whom I can pour my heart out and tell all my secrets, my stories. That someone who will not judge me with my long stories and dirty secrets. People like it when we call them our friends but then what happens when that"friend" in them is needed. That time its all about how we are wrong and the expectations go way beyond limit. Trust! whom?why?when?how?!!!!!!

The motivation....

Okay so does everyone need some kind of motivation at their work places??? Be it monetary, incentives or a person...??? I think all of us do... And to be honest everyone has someone or the other at their workplaces who motivate them to come to the office daily. I, for a change, did not realize that even I had one when I am working. As they say you never realize the worth of something in your life until it is lost. All of us have that one person who we love and one who we hate to see at work. Today out of nowhere I realized my person of love and hate at work. Actually its too early to call it love to see or hate to see but I couldn't find any other word to describe exactly what I feel. This feeling doesn't mean that you are in love with that someone but it just means that the once upon a time stranger now makes you feel comfortable. That one person who pays attention to whatever is going around you and likes to listen to what you have to say. You feel a lot connected to that one person in a bunch of heads, who by the way you know the exact same amount of time, but it still doesn't feel the same. I couldn't believe how important that one person was for me until they get ready to get lost in this big city of dreams... I wish I could find them... Bring them back and thus bring life even to these dull shades of grey place!!