Leaving a mark!

Some people come into your life to make it better, some come to make it worse. But some come and never leave, they stay in your heart. They stay as a hope or a dream. It's painful to see a hope turn into a dream which cannot come true. The long talks' memories haunt your nights even more. Mornings scare you because mirrors show you those hurting red eyes. This is the time when you cry in a crowd and laugh in loneliness. The lonesome laugh is a helpless cry, a cry that only you can hear. There are these times when you can feel the breaking of that little thread in your heart, never to be mended again. You feel incomplete if you smile. You feel naked when you laugh. Because these are the emotions which connected you to that person, the person who never left. They say you never know how strong you are until that is the only choice left. But they never understood that you may not want to be strong. May be you need that one person to make everything else go weak and insignificant. You need that person to fight for you and make it through the night like a dying lamp. You need that person to hold your hand tight and look you deep in the eye and say, 'not letting go!'

The Emotionless!

He looks at me with those eyes full of dreams. He never saw those dreams himself, just made me see them with a bright hope. The things I always looked for all gathered in his one glance. The sweet torture that life taught me seemed like a pleasant peck on my cheek when it came from him. The hug, so tight yet so warm was life a butterfly kiss. 

But that one day changed it all. Like a dark gloomy day in the Indian summer. The time flew so fast. I thought all I was with is that one drop of the tear. The nights turned themselves from his dreams to his memories. The day filled itself with all the ignorance to the obvious. We spoke to each other with questions. We looked at each other with shattered lives. What went wrong was the question in my heart and what went right was in his. He never answered my question and never asked one himself. 

I thought I was the happiest with him. With all the moments we shared, the one in the mystic place seemed to top it all. The things that I did not feel when he was around were increasingly becoming my soulmates when he was gone. The feelings that went running down my smile were running down my tears.

We became acquaintances, we became friends, we became friends for life and departed as strangers for eternity. Neither of us wanted it but none of us stopped it too. Now here we stand, him looking at a different hope and me looking at a shattered self asking myself the same old question... What went wrong?

A pinch happiness with two pinch pain

What is true and what not is something I am not aware of. The past was showing me all the colours of life which never existed. And here I am, again, to feel the grey shades of life at their best. Did the colours fly away or did I go blind? Was it something that i had done? I started believing in myself. I started believing that it can't be right, I cannot be right! I felt as if my hands had knives on them to stab, my eyes had fire in them to burn and my words had thorns in them to make that someone bleed. I started believing it was always something that was never mine. It was something I never deserved. With people telling me I was wrong but was that someone wrong? Was the words spoken by that someone false, I didn't think so! So here I am to feel the dark sides take over and teach me to go more deeper and sink into the black sea like a black rock!

Tired....

Being pointed at and blamed for the things she did not do was making her question her existence. What she was suffering from was a mystery to all. She wanted to tell it to everyone, she did, but nobody believed. The one person she was hoping who could come back to her saying he understand was standing in the same crowd who blamed her the most. He was the one who was shouting out her faults. The one person who should have shielded her from all others was making her seem like a criminal. She was deteriorating from inside and was soon to be hollow. But neither did he realize it nor did he care. She kept on telling him to just say a few words that could sooth her and would make her just like he wants but he refrained. He complained that it was too much for him. She couldn't take the blame anymore, blame that uprooted her relationship from its existence. The mere thought of him saying those horrifying words made her whole life crumble down like a piece of paper. But he said it. He uttered those scary words and made the last tear from her body to just go away. She never did anything but all she got was that she was the mess of someone's life. And the time came when she lost everything she had and was left to sulk in the darkness again!

When did the day start and when did it got over was a mystery to her. Her thoughts were setting her on fire. The past was laughing at her when she made that someone her soulmate…her life. She was shattered just by his looks. She could see the hatred and disgust in his eyes. The detest made all the things more clear. Little did she know that soon it’s just going to be her and her loneliness.  She was not someone who could take her own life but she had no choice. All she understood that the excruciating pain was penetrating her and was killing her day after day. That was the time when she actually felt the stab in her heart and knew… its over! Then the nights even took back the tears as they knew that dead doesn't cry. The days took back the loneliness as they knew that dead don’t understand it.  She looked at herself in the mirror and saw her soul trying to escape from her body. She was trying her best to set it free. But afterall the soul was trapped by someone who claimed to be her soulmate…her life!!

Isolated Self.....!!

A tale of a girl in the normal world, everything seemed to be okay but her. She was trying to get away from the world. The lonely feeling was groping her and fragile heart. She couldn't tell it to anybody as they seemed to be her foes. Everyday is just passing by her with a force of crudity and happiness would stand by and laugh at her. 

The nights would bring her all sorts of pain with the tears being the main. She would recall the preceding and would end her life with a full slice. With numb with pain, the time passed by she was sinking in the big ocean of loneliness. She made her heart die keeping her soul alive for the next day she knew everyone would know.... the tale of a girl who just felt lonely! The smile never knew its way on her face, the happiness never knew its way to her heart the only thing that got into her exterior was the pain so far. She was not quiet yet her voice was not heard. She was not happy yet her sorrow was never noticed. She was silent not because she was weak but because others were not strong enough. All she wants is someone to take care but all she gets is no one standing there.

Gloomy tear rolling on a wounded heart......

With all the hopes and aspirations, beliefs and faiths i kept looking at him. All the world around me made me just stare him in the eye and ask one simple question. The question didn't get answered. I kept on asking but it just never got answered. I never expected anyone to be so ruthless, so inconsiderate and so unthoughtful yet saying those three magical words ' I Love You'. All i wanted was a good night sleep with nothing to worry about in the morning. All i wanted was a heart that could read mine. The lips that would speak my heart. But then there i saw a huge black light coming my way with a sword of wretched laughs which turned my hopes into despairs, my beliefs into shattered dreams and my love into a sore heart. The gloominess was conquering my heart. I so wanted to stay up. I so wanted to have a morning that would welcome me with its arms open. I so wanted to have dreams of my fulfilled life.....I so wanted my dream to have him in it.....!!